I love Christmas. It is definitely a wonderful time of year. I love that everyone is friendly and giving. I love seeing my kids' eyes light up and the delight that they make everything.
This has been a tough Christmas. As we celebrate with our traditions I remember how I felt last year. I didn't want to do any of it. I didn't want to go anywhere. I had a hard time going through the motions. Now it's a year later and the same feelings emerge. Only with them is an added sorrow that it has been over a year that I've felt this way. There is a constant reminder of how long I've been fighting.
Some days are OK. Some days are really hard. There are a lot of dark times; feelings that seem inexplainable.
I continue to participate in individual therapy. I see a DR for my mental health and another for my migraines. There has been progress on the medicine that I am taking and it has helped a lot.
I have started with a new therapy group that is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy. This will be my second week but so far it is going well.
A couple days ago I posted some of the things from my private blog (I'm the only one that reads it usually). I got really nervous and ended up taking it down. I felt really exposed and wasn't quite ready I guess. Thank you to the many people who read it and supported me in posting what I did.
I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting this. I'm tired of feeling like I've reached my limit and that I'm going to breakdown. I'm tired of how it infiltrates every aspect of my life and hinders so many things that I want to do.
4 comments:
Hang in there Honey. You know you are always in our prayers.
I love you Tif, and you are one of the strongest people I know. I absolutely KNOW that you can beat this-hang in there. You've done an amazing job so far, and I'm so very proud of you. You're always in our thoughts and prayers...
I truly admire you for doing so good for so long. We've been sick here for about two weeks now and I was really sick. Yesterday I felt like I reached my limit. I was still sick and weak and not doing so good and needing to take care of sick kids. At one point is was just me and brecken and lana at home and all three of us were sobbing. So, I really do look up to you and your strength for enduring that feeling so much of the time. You are amazing.
I am so sorry Tiffany, you are amazing and I think about you all of the time.
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