Good-bye Paci

OK, Makyra hasn't had her pacifier for over 24 hours. She usually just gets it when she sleeps. Yesterday I couldn't find her paci and she wanted it for her nap. She calls it a 'fire'. I told her that it wasn't there and that the pacifier went bye-bye. I hadn't planned on not giving it to her again, but it just somehow happened.
Now, although it's taking her longer to go to sleep, she does not seem terribly upset. I, on the other hand, can't believe that I have ANY emotional attachment to that dumb pacifier. I'm feeling a little unsettled about the whole giving up the pacifier thing, and she is fine.
I've sat here and thought about WHY in the world I could even care, besides being glad that we won't have to search for it all night. I have come to the conclusion that it makes me a little sad because it's pretty much the last 'baby' thing she does. She hasn't used a bottle in over a year, she doesn't need to be rocked to sleep. She'll only cuddle for about 2 seconds before she wants down to play. Although she still wears diapers, she wants to sit on the potty all the time.
My baby is no longer a baby. It's a little hard to see that time in her life pass and know it will never be that way again. On the other hand, these are wonderful days and she is a delight. I know that in a few years I will feel the same way, when she is no longer a toddler/preschooler but a kindergartener.

Anther thing, I can't help but think that Makyra needs a sibling so badly. The other night I went upstairs and kissed her goodnight, as I left her room it felt like I wasn't done with the goodnight kisses, that there should've been someone else to tuck into bed. I hate those moments when my guard is down. I still really miss that little baby that we had for such a short time. We would be in our third trimester now. It makes me sad, but also so grateful to have our little girl. She is my life and I don't know what I would do without her.

Sorry this is kind of a depressing, personal blog. Thanks for reading.